Salty, The Halloween Bitter Old Fart

Every Halloween, the Salty Old Fart had one rule: “Take ONE piece of candy!”
Naturally, every kid took two.
By 8:00 p.m., he’d confiscated three plastic swords, argued with a six-year-old vampire, and accused a ghost of “casing the joint.”
Finally, one brave little trick-or-treater asked, “Why are you so BITTER?"
The old man grunted, reached into his pumpkin, and handed him a piece of candy.
“Because when I was your age, we got apples.”
The kid stared at him.
“That’s horrible.”
The Salty Old Fart nodded. “Exactly. Now get off my porch.”